im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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