Pants 0. Shit 1.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize