Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
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Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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