can u get pink eye on your cock?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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