Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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