Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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