Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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