Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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