I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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