That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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