When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize