i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize