I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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