Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize