I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize