are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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