Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize