then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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