apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize