I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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