I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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