I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
And then he peed in my hair
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