i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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