a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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