Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize