Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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