he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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