Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize