I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
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He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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