Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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