You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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