What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
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I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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