So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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