Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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