it wasn't lemon gatorade
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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