We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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