Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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