Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A bitchslap is in order.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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