I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A bitchslap is in order.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize