so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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