That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize