So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
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you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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