this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize