theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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