**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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