So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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