oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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