Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize