I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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