Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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